by Judith Guest Ballantine Books New York 1976
This is a classic and an easy read with short chapters. The writing is not flowery or dreamy although when someone is experiencing disordered thinking the writing reflects what that might look like with few punctuation marks and fragments of sentences. The story deals with difficult family issues. The story and emotions are realistic. There are no easy answers if there are any answers at all. We learn that parental love can come in many forms, but it can also not be shown at all. Accidents happen, emotions and behaviors become twisted, people lose their shit and those around them don’t know what to do with that lost shit. Trigger warning issues of accidental death, suicide and mental institutions.
What follows is a plot summary excluding the epilogue; that’s for you to get to. The numbers indicate the chapter.
1 We meet young Conrad Jarrett fresh out of the mental facility and having trouble starting his day.
2 Calvin Jarrett is the father. Being abandoned as a child makes it even more difficult for him to parent a teen with mental illness. (The chapters alternate between these two characters’ points of view. The novel is written, interestingly, in the present tense.)
3 We learn about Conrad’s school life. All his friends are seniors but due to his illness he is still a junior. He has trouble feeling normal although he is trying to get back to his old routine.
4 Calvin doesn’t think it wise to go on their annual Christmas vacation. He doesn’t want any trouble. We learn that another son, Jordan, (older brother to Conrad) is now deceased.
5 Conrad sees a crazy local psychiatrist who appears inept. Conrad says his older brother died in a boating accident.
6 Calvin, the dad, seems every bit as lost as his mentally ill son. He has no idea who he is or what he wants.
7 Conrad attempts an afternoon date with Karen, a girl from the mental facility. She doesn’t feel mentally safe and leaves quickly.
8 Calvin drinks quite a bit. The neighbors are curious about Conrad’s situation. Beth (Conrad’s mother/Calvin’s wife) doesn’t want to discuss the topic at parties (or generally in public). Calvin misses hearing both sons in the house. We learn Conrad has slit his wrists.
9 Conrad is actually getting something out of seeing this wacky psychiatrist, Dr. Berger.
10 Conrad quits the swim team; he doesn’t like those people. They are too mean and he is too sensitive; too raw.
11 Calvin thinking about his law partner’s life and marriage.
12 Conrad successfully visits with a cute girl. He recalls a ski trip with his brother.
13 Beth finds out Conrad quit the swim team from an outside source. He quit a month ago and his parents didn’t know. There is a big family freak out. Conrad feels his mother hates him.
14 Dr. Berger’s genius is slowly being revealed.
15 Instead of talking about their grief, Calvin and Beth simply fight.
16 Conrad gets his looks complimented. He is starting to gain positive momentum. His psychiatrist is very helpful.
17 Calvin is now the one seeking Dr. Berger’s help.
18 Bumbling through exams and asking out girls.
19 Calvin’s business partner is worried about him.
20 Conrad’s date goes well. They set up another for the following weekend.
21 Calvin evaluates his fears and how he is most motivated to be safe.
22 Conrad gets in a fist fight with an asshole in the school parking lot.
23 Conrad tells his dad about the fight. Mom doesn’t even notice Conrad is waiting up for Dad.
24 Conrad’s new girlfriend is experiencing family drama. His own parents are out of town and he has to stay with his grandparents. His grandmother is a ball buster. (You can see where his mom gets it.)
25 Calvin and Beth on vacation at her brother’s place in Texas.
26 Karen is a girl Conrad was in treatment with. She has killed herself. This sends Conrad into a tailspin thinking about his brother dying on the lake and about electric shock therapy in treatment. He calls his psychiatrist and is driving to see him.
27 Conrad has a bad night but he makes it through.
28 Calvin and Beth can’t get through a vacation without fighting. Beth feels her son cut his wrists to show HER how much he hates her.
29 Everyone seems relieved to be home again.
30 Conrad has a girlfriend and they can discuss important things.
31 Calvin and Conrad discuss Beth and her leaving them. There are no clear answers and they’ll just have to be okay with that.